One Narrow Escape Later
by Diathorn
Summary: Read about the forgotten adventures of Frodo as he tries to escape from the Black Riders. Rated PG for humor, sillyness, and the word "trot."


Diathorn here again. I was just re-reading the Lord of The Rings: The Fellowship of The Ring for the umpteenth dozen time and I had a little attack of creativity. So I bring to you a short little scenario from the Fellowship of The Ring. Legal matters: I do not any of the characters (whose names are too numerous to include even for example) they all belong to J. R. R. Tolkien, whose ink spills I am not worthy to clean with my tounge.  
  
P.S. Just so you know I tested this story on a hardcore LOTR fan and she cracked up laughing.  
  
P.P.S. The scene is just after Frodo narrowly escapes from the Black Rider in the Shire.  
  
"That was close Mr. Frodo and no doubt about it." said Sam. "I'd hate to met him again."  
  
"So do I Sam. But I still hope to find Gandalf. I know he said to stay off the roads but his help is greatly needed."  
  
"I got an idea." Merry said. "Let's stay near the road and if we hear any horses coming we can hide."  
  
"How will that help us if it's Gandalf and not that Black Rider?"  
  
"Maybe we should only hide if the horse is NOT trotting along the road. No Black Rider would trot his horse."  
  
"Alright, we'll try it. Carefully, and keep your ears open."  
  
Meanwhile, the Witch-King of Angmar, leader of the Nazgul, head of the Black Riders, was addressing his fellow wraiths.  
  
"This isn't working." He hissed in a foul black voice. "We cannot find them. We need to go slower and take our time. We shall now trot our horses."  
  
One narrow escape later.  
  
"Damn those Black Riders. Their spies must have heard out plans and reported it to them."  
  
"What shall we do now?"  
  
"How about we listen for a horse and rider WALKING. Remeber those Elves Mr. Frodo? No Black Rider would do that."  
  
"Aye, I do Sam. That is a great idea."  
  
Meanwhile, the head of the Nazgul, the leader of the Black Riders, addressed his fellow Riders.  
  
"We were close that time." He said in a foul, black and slightly irritated voice. "We must now rely on stealth. We shall dismount our horses and walk. That way we shall take them by surprise."  
  
One (more) narrow escape later.  
  
"That was a stupid idea Sam."  
  
"Let's just look out for Gandalf. Gandalf wears grey and the Black Riders wear black. It shouldn't be too hard to tell them apart."  
  
Meanwhile, Sauron's second-in-command, the Witch-King of Angmar, addressed his peers.  
  
"What the hell do you mean 'We all fell into some grey clay?' You're Nazgul for the Dark Lord's sake. You all look like that stupid Wizard Mithrandir (Gandalf to the rest of you). And the Eye has called us. He doesn't want us to walk. We're taking too much time. We're to run hard and fast. Let's go!"  
  
One (yes another) narrow escape later.  
  
"By the grace of the Valar how did I get into this mess? We might as well as just not stop for anyone unless they're dressed in bright yellow robes with purple stripes, carrying a huge loaf of bread and ..."  
  
At that exact same moment.  
  
"... and the horses have rainbow wigs and red clown noses that squeak when you squeeze them." Said the Witch-King etc., etc. as he finished the new dresscode for all followers of the Great Eye. "I don't like it either but Sauron has spoken and we must obey."  
  
"Sir?"  
  
"Yes, Ringwraith Number 3?"  
  
"Is it possible that you might be reading it wrong?"  
  
"It's not possible! The Great Lord Sauron dictated this letter himself."  
  
"So who wrote it?"  
  
"It says 'Written by: Baltuk the Dyslexic Orc, Mordor Local Union #666.'"  
  
"And we're still following it?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
You better believe one narrow escape later.  
  
"I give up. Let's just go far away from the damn road."  
  
"But we might see Gandalf."  
  
"Oh shut up Pippin."  
  
Meanwhile, deep in Lothlorien, at Galadriel's Mirror, Galadriel, most powerful of all women Elves in Middle-Earth, secret wielder of Nenya, the Ring of Adamant, last of the ancient Noldor who came to Middle-Earth nearly four ages past, last of all Elves who has seen the light and splendor of Valinor, the land beyond the sea to the West, was shaking her head as she looked into her mirror.  
  
"I can't believe that fate of all the Free People depend on those furry-footed idiots."  
  
Coincidently, meanwhile at the dark tower of Barad-Dur, the Dark Lord of Mordor, Enemy of the Free People of Middle-Earth, the Great Eye, etc. was looking at either of the two spires besides him and seriously considering jumping up and onto either of them and stabbing his eye out for the sheer stupidity of his elite demonic, dyslexic, and thourghly unionized minions.  
  
A short while later, at Saruman's secret Isengard fortress. Saruman stood over the Orthanc Palantir while his master Sauron told him of his new orders.  
  
"Saruman I order you to seek out the Hobbits."  
  
Sauron cut off commuincation and the fiery core of the seeing stone faded.  
  
"Hobbits, Hobbits, why did it have to be Hobbits?"  
  
That's all. Tell me what you think. 


End file.
